Chemotherapy Begins Tomorrow

2008/5/10 17:00:19

Tomorrow is hydration — continuous infusion for over ten hours. I'm told it's several thousand milliliters. The day after, the drugs begin. The first one up is the most dangerous drug — three hours.

The reason for disregarding the non-systematic risk is for the sake of human dignity. Better to die for this than to live in fear. To live with gusto, one must stand tall.

Experiencing chemotherapy once is not because this ID believes in chemotherapy, but because it must be experienced. If this lifetime were to miss this chemotherapy, this ID's life would be diminished. Whether there are results or not, this ID does not care. This ID simply wishes to face head-on a rare experience — that is what makes life brilliant.

Without entering hell, how can one speak of cultivation? Moreover, it is this ID undergoing chemotherapy, not chemotherapy undergoing this ID. If one cannot even turn chemotherapy to one's purpose, harness its force, and explore its secrets — what cultivation is there to speak of?

An operation may fail, but even the most failed operation is a hundred million times better than the smallest surrender.

A human being — one stands upright through life and death, blazing brilliantly amidst the cycle.

Lastly, a regulated verse to mark the occasion.

Perhaps a Swan Song

Chán Zhōng Shuō Chán

The dying sun plunges into the sea, blood pours like rain,

Whale-waves fill the eye, churning through the ages,

Dreams compose the cosmos — empty shadows cast,

The heart becomes the years — leaving not a trace,

This remaining life shall not enter Shambhala,

Next incarnation, escape again from Eden's garden,

A leaking ark set crosswise on the raging waters,

Atop the solitary peak, white clouds mass and gather.