Defending Marx 7: That Ravished Maid

2007/9/23 11:25:48

Previously, the defense of Marx has been from a purely theoretical angle. Now, as a rest and palette cleanser, let's talk about Marx's private life. For those shameless types, smearing and attacking a theory is nothing but a few tricks: one is distortion, another is manufacturing an imposter, and the third is attacking the private life of the theory's founder.

Regarding Marx's private life, the most prolific fabrication is none other than Marx's alleged lecherous history with a certain maid. Setting aside the historical veracity of this story—even if it were true, so what? At least for modern people, their own degree of licentiousness means they wouldn't bat an eye at this. The biggest reaction should be: what a saint! He only had one possible dalliance with one maid and merely produced an illegitimate child. These days, test tubes can produce N of them per second.

Of course, from a feminist standpoint, one must express outrage at Marx's behavior of not readily letting himself be kept as a male concubine. Only being propositioned by one maid in his entire life, and even that's uncertain! That's outrageous! How could a man who doesn't let himself be kept as a concubine possibly be a good man?!

Very well. Now, let us look at the 100% verified sexual glory revolution of Keynes—the economist whom opponents of Marx regard as having ultimately defeated Marx and single-handedly saved the West:

At Eton, the secondary-school-age Keynes already had doctoral-level sexual experience. Homosexuality, called the English disease, naturally has its tradition of cultivation from a young age. At Eton, homosexuality was rampant. Setting aside the N-to-the-Nth-power short-term relationships, among Keynes's N long-term relationships, the most famous was with a bishop's son, who later became Keynes's main competitor for academic honors.

From Eton to Cambridge, Sexual Doctor Keynes began his postdoctoral sexual practice. In his first term, he was absorbed into Cambridge's historically venerable secret society: the Apostles. This was a secret society that only Cambridge's most elite students could join. Beyond the high-minded stated reasons, the society's greatest function was procuring—to be precise, procuring for homosexual liaisons. The most elite students were introduced through this organization to Cambridge's greatest scholars. Cambridge's most elite education most historically took place on the beds of homosexual debauchery.

Sexual activities among Apostles members were naturally plentiful. The organization was founded in 1820 and was not limited to Cambridge. In 1904, its London chapter, the Bloomsbury Club, was established. This was the elite organization within the Apostles, and to be precise, this is the club that Keynes joined. This club ultimately developed into a collective sexual orgy organization. What they worshipped was "sexual circulation"—that is, "let friends become lovers, and let lovers return to friends." Every night, one never knew who had occupied whom, who had been occupied by whom—whether it was NP or N-cubed-P, human intercourse or bestial intercourse, every sexual game was practiced within the club.

This club became so famous because many of Britain's most distinguished scholars, artists, and others frequented it. At the time, it was known as the most avant-garde, most in-vogue venue in Britain. The most famous love affair of Postdoctoral Keynes was with the artist Duncan Grant.

Enough. The sexual activities of Postdoctoral Keynes as he became Professor Keynes and then Master Keynes need not be further narrated. These activities were indeed far, far greater than Marx's boring activities. As all opponents of Marx believe, Keynes is indeed greater than Marx.

To make Sexual Dwarf Marx's story more titillating, please have all fabricators refer extensively to Keynes's true stories and let their imaginations run wild. For example: homosexuality is also called the German disease. Marx, a German, who also lived in England for an extended period—how could he possibly not have a go at homosexuality? How could he and Engels not have had something going on? Marx and Engels must have been a lascivious couple. Furthermore, Marx was impoverished, surely couldn't afford prostitutes—to earn money, this kept man must have gone and sold himself, been trampled by countless men and women together. Marx didn't believe in God, so he must have had a leg with cats, dogs, mice, elephants, pigs, donkeys, horses—every animal. Marx wanted to mobilize the masses, so he must have loved orgies and outdoor trysts.

Very well then. Let all opponents of Marx go and fabricate away. This ID is extremely disappointed with your previous fabrications. Above, I've given you a start—please continue. Otherwise, if Marx can't even reach one ten-thousandth of Keynes's level of debauchery, that would be far too disappointing.

Anti-Marxists, please—go ahead!