Kong Qingdong, Don't Embarrass Peking University — Let This ID Teach You to Write Poetry!

2006/9/22 23:44:31

Recently, as autumn approaches, the weather is getting dry. Everyone on earth hopes for a bit more moisture, and this fuss over poetry has heated up. Poet Zhào made a splash that shook the world, drawing a torrent of saliva and greatly increasing global humidity. But compared to Associate Professor Kong Qingdong, Poet Zhào is nothing — when Poet Kǒng appeared, the greenhouse effect instantly became the wetroom effect, even the sun turned into the moon, and fluids flowed without end.

Despite Poet Kǒng's impressive contributions to moisture, this ID must still thunder: Kong Qingdong, don't embarrass Peking University! Look at what you've written — you even dare write classical poetry. You think because you can be wet you can be poetic? You think because your ancestor said "without learning poetry, one cannot speak," you can write poetry? Everyone, look at this man's poems — what an embarrassment! Quoted below:

Self-Birthday Poem at Twenty-Five

Kong Qingdong

At twenty-five, yearning to daub a poem, gut-wrung, the brush won't gallop.
Old grudges like sores ache in wind and rain, new feuds like gashes rend the skin.
Qín Qióng could swallow a thousand tears, Yè Tǐng — why sing one word of baseness?
Bright sun lights the lamp to fight the long night, for now the sword is sheathed, awaiting brows held high.

What on earth is all this — parallel couplets clashing, tonal rules all wrong. Is "bright sun lights the lamp to fight the long night" a regulated line? "A thousand tears" paired against "one word of baseness"? As for the lines themselves, they're not only bland and flavorless but infantile beyond belief. The rhyme scheme is a mess, and even basic diction is a problem. If this ID were still writing like this at 25, this ID would be too embarrassed to claim Peking University — and if I did, there'd be only one path, straight into Weiming Lake. The Chinese Department — you still have the nerve to call yourselves Peking University's greatest department?

Peking University, although the futures market beside me is surging violently, this ID still must weep for you — who made you so important in this ID's life! For the sake of Peking University, this ID will now compose on screen a step-rhyme response to this so-called Chinese Department Associate Professor Kong Qingdong's "Self-Birthday Poem at Twenty-Five" — let the quality speak for itself.

Step-Rhyme Response to Kong Qingdong's "Self-Birthday Poem at Twenty-Five" I:

Chán Zhōng Shuō Chán Heaven and earth have tears — they cannot form a poem; blood waters the hills and rivers, spirits and ghosts gallop.
For a hundred li, fresh dead bones still overflow; a thousand years, and living flesh is wounded once again.
A boat can carry or capsize — cry that the people matter; heaven grants shade or shine — awaken the nation from its baseness.
The vast wild lies windless, sinking into eternal night; a lone star like the moon, its spirit towering to the brow.

Good heavens — the original poem's rhyme scheme is utter garbage. Associate Professor Kǒng was basically just padding rhymes. Of course, even such a garbage rhyme scheme can't stump this ID. Associate Professor Kǒng, learn a thing or two — you can embarrass the Chinese Department, but please don't embarrass Peking University!

Replies

缠中说禅 2006/9/23 1:58:16

Kong Qingdong

2006-09-23 00:51:53
To that fake Zen, true villain:

Your poems have decent command of words, but no true feeling — just piling up concepts, nothing more than metrically correct empty bombast. Your poems say nothing. Your understanding of regulated verse is at a middle-school level — what you said is simply wrong. Do you even know what parallel couplets are? You haven't even understood my poems. Especially your tone — the classic face of a petty villain. You think you're worthy of discussing history?
I won't insult you by saying you embarrass anyone — you're just a scoundrel who can barely write poems!

=====================

Ranting is useless. Everyone here is welcome to come comment:

Self-Birthday Poem at Twenty-Five 　　 　　Kong Qingdong

　　At twenty-five, yearning to daub a poem, gut-wrung, the brush won't gallop.
　　Old grudges like sores ache in wind and rain, new feuds like gashes rend the skin.
　　Qín Qióng could swallow a thousand tears, Yè Tǐng — why sing one word of baseness?
　　Bright sun lights the lamp to fight the long night, for now the sword is sheathed, awaiting brows held high.

On-Screen Step-Rhyme Response to Kong Qingdong's "Self-Birthday Poem at Twenty-Five" I: 　　 　　Chán Zhōng Shuō Chán

　　Heaven and earth have tears, they cannot form a poem; blood waters the hills, spirits and ghosts gallop.
　　For a hundred li, fresh dead bones still overflow; a thousand years, living flesh is wounded again.
　　A boat can carry or capsize — cry that the people matter; heaven grants shade or shine — awaken the nation's baseness.
　　The vast wild lies windless, sinking into eternal night; a lone star like the moon, its spirit towering to the brow.

Associate Professor Kǒng, you probably can't even understand what this ID's poem means!

缠中说禅 2006/9/23 1:59:05

Chán Zhōng Shuō Chán 2006-09-23 01:48:38
Kong Qingdong

2006-09-23 00:51:53
To that fake Zen, true villain:

Your poems have decent command of words, but no true feeling — just piling up concepts, nothing more than metrically correct empty bombast. Your poems say nothing. Your understanding of regulated verse is at a middle-school level — what you said is simply wrong. Do you even know what parallel couplets are? You haven't even understood my poems. Especially your tone — the classic face of a petty villain. You think you're worthy of discussing history?
I won't insult you by saying you embarrass anyone — you're just a scoundrel who can barely write poems!

=====================

Ranting is useless. Everyone here is welcome to come comment:

Self-Birthday Poem at Twenty-Five 　　 　　Kong Qingdong

　　At twenty-five, yearning to daub a poem, gut-wrung, the brush won't gallop.
　　Old grudges like sores ache in wind and rain, new feuds like gashes rend the skin.
　　Qín Qióng could swallow a thousand tears, Yè Tǐng — why sing one word of baseness?
　　Bright sun lights the lamp to fight the long night, for now the sword is sheathed, awaiting brows held high.

On-Screen Step-Rhyme Response to Kong Qingdong's "Self-Birthday Poem at Twenty-Five" I: 　　 　　Chán Zhōng Shuō Chán

　　Heaven and earth have tears, they cannot form a poem; blood waters the hills, spirits and ghosts gallop.
　　For a hundred li, fresh dead bones still overflow; a thousand years, living flesh is wounded again.
　　A boat can carry or capsize — cry that the people matter; heaven grants shade or shine — awaken the nation's baseness.
　　The vast wild lies windless, sinking into eternal night; a lone star like the moon, its spirit towering to the brow.

Associate Professor Kǒng, you probably can't even understand what this ID's poem means!

缠中说禅 2006/9/23 1:59:30

Chán Zhōng Shuō Chán 2006-09-23 01:53:46
Associate Professor Kǒng, you said "your poems say nothing"

From this statement alone, one can conclude that you utterly failed to understand what this ID wrote!

缠中说禅 2006/9/23 2:03:35

Chán Zhōng Shuō Chán 2006-09-23 02:02:16
One more thing:

Associate Professor Kǒng, this ID believes you were merely blinded by anger. If you calm down, this ID still believes you can understand what this ID wrote — after all, you are from Peking University. Everything you expressed, this ID expressed too; everything you failed to express, this ID also expressed. In such a public forum, there is no shortage of discerning eyes — the public will judge!

缠中说禅 2006/9/23 2:04:52
The above is a repost of the first exchange with Associate Professor Kǒng. It's the weekend, so we can take it a bit later. But I need to sign off first. Thanks.

缠中说禅 2006/9/23 15:37:59

Sorry, when copying Kong Qingdong's reply yesterday, I missed a line. Adding it now:

When I was writing poems at your level, your whole family hadn't been born yet! You dare discuss poetry with me? Shameless!

缠中说禅 2006/9/23 15:40:35

Kong Qingdong had two replies. Both are quoted in full below — judge for yourselves:

Kong Qingdong replied on 2006/09/23 00:41:06:

Your poems have decent command of words, but no true feeling — just piling up concepts, nothing more than metrically correct empty bombast. Especially your tone — the classic face of a petty villain. You think you're worthy of discussing history? But I won't insult you by saying you embarrass anyone — you're just a scoundrel who can write poems!When I was writing poems at your level, your whole family hadn't been born yet! You dare discuss poetry with me? Shameless!

2006-09-23 00:51:53
To that fake Zen, true villain:

Your poems have decent command of words, but no true feeling — just piling up concepts, nothing more than metrically correct empty bombast. Your poems say nothing. Your understanding of regulated verse is at a middle-school level — what you said is simply wrong. Do you even know what parallel couplets are? You haven't even understood my poems. Especially your tone — the classic face of a petty villain. You think you're worthy of discussing history?I won't insult you by saying you embarrass anyone — you're just a scoundrel who can barely write poems!When I was writing poems at your level, your whole family hadn't been born yet! You dare discuss poetry with me? Shameless!

缠中说禅 2006/9/23 15:43:30
Also, this ID was following Kong Qingdong's rhyme scheme, so it should be "blood waters the hills, spirits and ghosts gallop (chí 驰)" not "spirits and ghosts slacken (chí 弛)" — this is only natural. In pinyin, one is typed with tone 3 and the other with tone 4; sometimes one types the wrong one. In any case, "gallop (驰)" is correct.

缠中说禅 2006/9/23 21:43:46

[Anonymous] 5309k
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You didn't understand!